Cassie is his ExGirlfriend
by Touch of Grey
Summary: Humor, romance, songfic, and crack lightly blended with a side of fries. Tim doesn't like Kon's girlfriend. Rated for slash and slight cursing.


1I swore I wouldn't write this, buuuuuuut…  
Title: Cassie is his (Ex)Girlfriend  
By: Touch of Grey

Genre: Humor, romance, songfic, and crack lightly blended with a side of fries.

Fandom: Young Justice (just after Cassie and Kon get together…sorta)

Pairing: Cassie/Kon, but mainly Tim/Kon

Song: Girlfriend by Advil Laheadache, erm, Avril Lavigne

Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING! You lawsuit-happy whores got that?

Cassie is his (Ex)Girlfriend

Kon knew that Cassie liked him. Hell, who didn't? He was _Superboy_ for crying out loud! But unlike other people who liked him simply because he was Superboy, Cassie actually liked the non-heroic side of him that liked to listen to music and play video games, and Kon thought that that was pretty awesome. And, yeah, he liked her, but not enough to call her his _girlfriend_, which is what everyone thought she was. Not that Kon was privy to this little tidbit of information. So it surprised him, to say the least, when Robin cornered him in the bathroom, bat-glare on at full blast, and told him that he was a jerk. What surprised him even more was that when, upon asking what his deal was, Robin replied,

"My problem is your _girlfriend_, Super-dick!" and stormed off.

Well, that confused the hell out of Kon. He hadn't had a girlfriend since Tana, and she was sort of…dead. Who could Batman-junior be talking about?

All was made clear later that night over pizza and parodies. Robin shot glare after glare at the side of Cassie's head as they watched Scary Movie 2, and Kon grinned inwardly. Heh, the mini-Bat was jealous! After the movie was done, at Bart's insistence, the group civvied up and headed out to a club he'd found called Alibi (1). Slobo and Anita went off to "convince" the bartender to serve them, Cissie and Greta went off to dance somewhere, and Robin (now disguised as Alvin Draper) went off somewhere with Bart and Fuyuko. Cassie looked as if she was expecting him to ask her to dance, but he was spared this trauma by the music shutting off and a stage lighting up instead. A man in an overly loud shirt got on the microphone.

"Hey, people! It is now time for out nightly search-for-a-star karaoke contest! Please welcome our first contestant, Miss Drew Laurel!" a giggling redhead in a skimpy outfit came out of the crowd and sang an off key version of some Madonna song, but the crowd still cheered drunkenly. Kon and Cassie watched for awhile as wannabe after wannabe stumbled over the words to their favorite songs. Finally, as the teen of steel began to feel bored, a name was called that made his ears perk up.

"Can we please get a Mr. Al Draper to the stage? Al? You still here?"

The crowd parted like the Red Sea as Robin sauntered through, taking the stage to numerous cheers and catcalls. Clearing his throat, he grinned and yelled out the opening lines to the song he'd chosen.

Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I don't like your girlfriend! 

Kon's eyes went wide, and he spat out part of his soda. Robin couldn't possibly be thinking of-

No way! No way!  
I think you need a new one  
Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I could be your boyfriend

Robin winked flirtatiously in Kon's general direction, and a new wave of hoots and catcalls filled the air.

Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I know that you like me  
No way! No way!

How the hell did he know that?! Then again, Robin was Bat-clan, and they knew everything.

You know it's not a secret  
Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I want to be your boyfriend 

Kon's blush was now bright enough to be seen in the dim lighting of the club

You're so fine  
I want you mine  
You're so delicious  
I think about ya all the time  
You're so addictive  
Don't you know what I could do to make you feel alright? 

Robin licked his lips and the crowd roared. Bat-clan or not, the guy knew how to work a room...

"Kon, are you feeling okay? I think Robin might be drunk."

"I'm fine, Cass. And if anything, Rob is high on adrenaline right now."

Don't pretend I think you know I'm damn precious  
And hell yeah, I'm the motherfucking princess I can tell you like me too and you know I'm right 

Kon snickered. He'd called Robin a princess once; nearly spent a week in traction.

She's like so whatever  
And you could do so much better  
I think we should get together now  
And that's what everyone's talking about! 

Robin looked directly at him and Cassie as he sang the bridge, arching a brow. Then, grinning, he launched into the chorus. 

Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I don't like your girlfriend!  
No way! No way!  
I think you need a new one  
Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I could be your boyfriend

Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I know that you like me  
No way! No way!  
You know it's not a secret  
Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I want to be your boyfriend 

Robin began to do a sort of shimmy dance to the room's general delight. Inwardly, Kon cheered the existence of low-slung pants, because Robin made it _work_. As he began the second verse, the boy wonder made his way off the stage, dodging groping hands and stopping to dance with a few lucky guys and gals as he made his way over to where Kon was sitting, a predatory look in his eye.

I can see the way, I see the way you look at me  
And even when you look away I know you think of me  
I know you talk about me all the time again and again  
So come over here, tell me what I want to hear  
Better yet make your girlfriend disappear  
I don't want to hear you say her name ever again  
(And again and again and again!) 

Cassie squeaked as she realized where Robin was heading, turning to Kon in total shock. The teen shrugged. "Don't look at me, I had nothing to do with this."

As he sang the bridge, Robin paused to bump hips with a rather sloshed Anita, who grinned widely before planting a nice wet one on her support system, also known as Slobo (2).

Finally, Robin reached the table, perching himself on it as he looked at Kon, but pointed at Cassie.

Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I don't like your girlfriend!  
No way! No way!  
I think you need a new one  
Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I could be your boyfriend 

Cassie turned bright red as she glared at Robin. The teen simply grinned, then swung his legs across the table to straddle Kon's lap.

Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I know that you like me  
No way! No way!  
You know it's not a secret  
Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I want to be your boyfriend 

Robin stuck his lip out in a slight pout, looking almost illegally adorable. He tapped Kon's chin with his index finger.

In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger  
Cause I can, cause I can do it better  
There's no other  
So when's it gonna sink in?  
She's so stupid  
What the hell were you thinking?!

At that point, Cassie got up and stormed away. Kon, however, really didn't give a flying rat's patootie (3) at this point, and just stared at Robin, who smiled and sang the chorus again.

Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I don't like your girlfriend!  
No way! No way!  
I think you need a new one  
Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I could be your boyfriend 

He leaned forward, their chests sliding against each other, and Kon gulped.

Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I know that you like me  
No way! No way!  
You know it's not a secret  
Hey! Hey! You! You!  
I want to be your boyfriend 

'Well, at least he's direct' Kon thought as he leaned forward and kissed Robin hungrily. It had taken Cassie _ages_ to do anything, even though he'd known how she'd felt since the beginning. But wow, he could really get used to this, just so long as Rob didn't feel the need to sing to him before every time they made out, that is.

Fini

Well, it's done. You can take me to the nuthouse now. But first, allow me to explain a few things:

1. Alibi is the name of a bar in the gayborhood that my uncle Tom goes to. It's a gay bar. For gays. The Alibi in this story is more like a gay/straight club, though.

2. YES, I ship Empress/Slobo. Have a problem with it? Kiss my pallid Jewish behind.

3. Not giving a flying rat's patootie. What is a bat? A flying rat. Whose patootie does Kon not care about? Batman's. Whose patootie _does_ Kon care about? Robin's. Patootie is a funny word and I like it, so back the sprock off.

Now if you will all kindly review my heap of garbage, I would be much abliged.


End file.
